What to say to someone in the hospital: How to show you care

Have you ever worried about visiting your friend in the hospital because you don’t know what to say? If so, this guide is here to help.

First, should you call, text, or go to the hospital? Don’t spend too much time overthinking this decision but we will briefly discuss it. Next, we will talk about preparing to go and arriving at the hospital if that is the decision you have made. Then, the next piece of information will be the dos and don’ts of what to say to someone in the hospital, whether that is through call, text, or in person. Finally, we will talk about discerning how long to stay and when to leave.

Call, Text, or Go?

This will obviously vary by the patient’s preference and your relationship to them, as well as what they are in the hospital for. It would probably be best to either call or text the patient or a close family member or friend before going to the hospital and finding out the visitation policy of the hospital and when you would be allowed to visit.

COVID-19 has changed visitation policies for many hospitals, so it is always best to check with the patient, their family, or the hospital before going.

Don’t become paralyzied trying to decide if it is best to call, text, or go to the hospital. If you can’t decide just pick one and let the person you are wanting to check on now you care about them.

Texting someone who is in serious condition can be a great way to consistently remind them you are thinking of them and care for them without them having to spend energy talking or following the conversation.

Preparing to visit the hospital

First, we will discuss preparing to visit the hospital. What do you know about the person you are going to visit? Why are they in the hospital and how long have they been there?

If they are a friend then you probably have a good sense of their personality and how they have been doing before they ended up in the hospital. This can help you know what to expect when you arrive.

As we said earlier, make sure you contact the patient, their family, or the hospital to know the best time to visit. Be prepared that even if you go at the “correct” time you could find the patient out for a test, a procedure, or sleeping. If this happens just leave a note for the patient and try again later if you can’t wait or if it will take a while for them to become available.

Arriving at the hospital

When arriving at the hospital, make sure to check in at the front desk if that is required by the hospital. Find out what unit and room the patient is in. Follow any signage that asks you to wear a gown, gloves, or a mask in order to protect the patient or yourself.

Once you have made it to the patient room say hello and check on them. Look around the room and if there is a chair or place to sit move it around to where you can face the patient and visit comfortably with them.

Conversational Dos and Don’ts of Visiting a Hospital Patient

What to say

When visiting someone in the hospital it is important to observe how they are feeling and reacting to your visit. This can help you know how much talking they are up for. Sometimes talking can be difficult for patients, especially those with pneumonia or who have trouble breathing. Be okay with the conversation taking a slow pace or sitting in silence for periods of time.

Some patients will want to tell you all about why they are in the hospital and what they have been doing to try to feel better, while others want to talk about other things. Follow the lead of the patient and what they want to talk about. You can start by asking how they are feeling or how their day has been. If they don’t seem interested in talking about their stay in the hospital or are giving you short answers, try transitioning to topics outside of the hospital.

You can shift the topic to mutual friends or family members. Tell them what you have been doing or something you look forward to doing with them when they get out of the hospital. Talking about normal life can sometimes provide motivation and hope for patients and encourage them to look to the future when they can head home from the hospital.

Asking the patient if they have any needs or forgot anything at home can be a good way to help. Sometimes people leave quickly and forget their phone charger, razor, or any number of other items they would like to have. If the patient has pets you can ask about the pets and make sure there is someone checking on them. This can be a great source of stress for a patient if they are worried about their pets at home.

What not to say

Avoid being dismissive of the patient’s feelings by telling them how they should feel. Too often we try to make someone feel better by telling them to cheer up or not to worry. Instead of trying to change how the patient is feeling, ask questions about what they mean in order to better understand.

For example:

Patient: Today has been a tough day. I haven’t been able to get comfortable. They want me to walk several times a day and sit up in the chair, but it just hurts.

Instead of saying something like “Well you know you need to be up and walking. It’s good for you.” This can sometimes cause the patient to feel like you are dismissing what they are feeling.

You could try something as simple as reflecting back what they said, such as “I’m sorry today has been a tough day.” This allows them to continue talking about their day if they have anything else to say or might allow them to express even more about what they are feeling.

Patients have a whole team of healthcare professionals working to fix their problems and to try to help them feel better. Sometimes what the patient needs from their friends or family is someone who listens to their difficulty in a way that allows them to express what they are feeling. This does not mean that encouragement is bad, but sometimes it is given too quickly and shuts down the conversation.

Deciding what topics of conversation not to bring up will vary widely by the patient. Some patients might want to share everything the doctor has told them about their diagnosis, while others consider that information private. Some might want to discuss their hometown and families, while others might become too homesick to talk about those things while in the hospital. Asking open-ended questions allows the patient to share how much or how little they would like.

The most important thing to communicate to a patient in the hospital is that you care for them and wanted to see how they are doing. If you are sincere in your desire to care for the patient they are willing to overlook a question that is a little too personal or your uncertainty about what to say. Show them you care!

Discerning how long to stay

Discerning how long to stay is balance between not overstaying your welcome and staying long enough that the patient feels care for. If the patient has other family or friends checking on them then you probably don’t need to stay too long so they have time to rest between visitors.

If you are one of the only visitors the patient will have then you can stay for longer if the patient seems to appreciate your visit. You can always bring a book or something to do in case the patient wants to rest and you have the time to stay. Don’t be afraid to simply ask if the patient would like you to stay or would like some quiet time.

Conclusion

Not knowing what to say to someone in the hospital can be an anxiety-inducing situation. Hopefully this article has helped alleviate some stress you might feel in this situation. Empathy and compassion are the most important things to demonstrate to the person you are visiting in the hospital. Sometimes people just need a simple text from a friend to let them know they have someone who cares about them while other times they might need someone to come sit by their side during a difficult day. Whatever your case might be, show your friend that you care about them and want to help!